Well. That sucks.

You know how sometimes, even when you see a thing coming, it takes you completely by surprise? That's what happened to me Friday, when my "position was eliminated." The signs were all there, and really, I think I knew -- I had even mentioned to a couple of people (not at work...I'm not a complete idiot) recently that I was thinking about starting to look around and see what was out there. But Friday, I really was completely blindsided by the reality of it. It was all very friendly and civilized, not performance based, severance is generous, and I was not alone so that helped (though of course I feel bad for everyone else who was let go as well). But I still kind of feel like I got punched in the stomach. What makes it worse is that I really believe in this company. I think they're doing a good thing and doing it well, and I think it will be a real shame if they go under. And I really, really, liked pretty much everyone there. I enjoyed working with them, and I enjoyed socializing with them. I'm scared to find a new job, because I don't want to work with new people (usually I start looking for a new job because I do want to work with new people), I want to work with those people.

I'm trying not to mourn too much, and not to give in to my paranoia (how soon did everyone else know? When X happened, was it because that person already knew...even though X happened 3 weeks ago?), because that just makes me angry, and I know no one did anything to deliberately upset or hurt me. I'm trying to look forward, and I know we'll be okay...I'll be okay. I'm a good worker, a hard worker (sometimes much to my husband's dismay), and I've got a pretty wide range of mad skillz (in fact, I think the beginning of the end was when I went on maternity leave this past time and came back to a much less robust position -- I had just as much work to do, but the work was not as varied, as others had taken over many of my duties in my absence...which made me less valuable to the company as they did this round of layoffs). I do want to find another company/department that inspires me as much as this one did -- it was a new and very good feeling to be this invested, though I suspect that being that invested is what's hurting so much now. I wish nothing but the best to those who remain, and I do hope they're able to turn it around and recover.

And if anyone reading this knows of an opening in the NYC/North NJ area for someone with project mangement/data management/customer service management/etc. skills, please drop me a line at lauraDOTyonaATgmailDOTcom (substituting proper symbols where appropriate, natch).

I'm going to the store now, and then I'm going to come home and spend some time knitting and watching trash TV. Tomorrow, I hit the job sites, and maybe I'll tell you all what my dream jobs are.

posted by Laura Y. @ 10:42 AM